Accountant in prison.... Joke?
An accountant was on remand in prison awaiting trial for fraud. He was disturbed to find himself sharing a cell with a mean-looking psychopath. He timidly kept quiet until the psychopath asked"What are you in for?" The Accountant not wanting to engage in conversation but not wanting to offend him said" I committed a white collar crime." The Psycopath responded with "That's a coincidence, so am I. A litle intrigued, the accountant asked "White collar crime? what did you do?" The psychopath looked him in the eye and said: "I murdered a vicar."
Jokes & Riddles - 29 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
funny
Answer 2 :
ahhh its allrite
Answer 3 :
lol! ^^
Answer 4 :
lol
Answer 5 :
that was pretty good
Answer 6 :
Lame
Answer 7 :
Not bad...bit predictable
Answer 8 :
hahaha! very good*
Answer 9 :
ha ha, I'm gonna tell this to my religious friend, my accountant friend and my psychopath friend!! thanks!!! good one!!
Answer 10 :
humahaha haha sorry thats the way i laughed heheheh
Answer 11 :
lol good one got to see my accountant tomorrow
Answer 12 :
Very funny thanks
Answer 13 :
Crazy joke! Made me laugh, so i thank you for that!!
Answer 14 :
funny!!!!
Answer 15 :
good 1
Answer 16 :
Lol Honey I saved this cause my nephew is an a Accountant and he just started out on his new job,so this will serve as a warning to him,here have a star and thank you ever so much for the laugh that really lightened my day HE HE HE HE.xxxxx
Answer 17 :
hi quizard, very good, loved your joke. going to print it, well done,
Answer 18 :
LOL funny!!
Answer 19 :
Whoa!! LOL. Yell!! LOL.
Answer 20 :
not bad!but not good!so so!!
Answer 21 :
great joke, i will have to tell my christian friends that one. This message was sent today with love.
Answer 22 :
love that one lol.
Answer 23 :
hahahaha...very funny...get a star...
Answer 24 :
ha ha ha bloody good star award
Answer 25 :
hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha INSANE BRILLIANT loved it keep em coming 10/10 & *
Answer 26 :
My dads an accountant so I'll be sending this to him - thanks sweetie :)
Answer 27 :
hahahah
Answer 28 :
ha ha ha funny thanks for a laugh
Answer 29 :
I still think you could do better but still enjoyable!
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Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
an engineer and accountant, which one is more paid?
an engineer and accountant, which one is more paid?
Careers & Employment - 5 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
Ususally and engineer is gonna be higher paid but it can always vary!
Answer 2 :
Either one. An accountant could be a CFO (Chief Financial Officer) or the head of an accounting firm etc. An engineer could be COO (chief operating officer) Depends on the individual and what he does with the degree
Answer 3 :
In the UK now? Probably an accountant. It's bollocks don't you think???
Answer 4 :
most certainly an accountant. i am an aircraft engineer and with night shift pay earn around £40k
Answer 5 :
That's a broad question. It depends on what type of engineering and what type of accounting. Also depends on the location of the position and the requirements. If it's starting salaries here's a breakdown: Accounting (Private) $46,614 Accounting (Public) $46,290 Project Engineering $51,076 Design/Construction Engineering $49,039
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Careers & Employment - 5 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
Ususally and engineer is gonna be higher paid but it can always vary!
Answer 2 :
Either one. An accountant could be a CFO (Chief Financial Officer) or the head of an accounting firm etc. An engineer could be COO (chief operating officer) Depends on the individual and what he does with the degree
Answer 3 :
In the UK now? Probably an accountant. It's bollocks don't you think???
Answer 4 :
most certainly an accountant. i am an aircraft engineer and with night shift pay earn around £40k
Answer 5 :
That's a broad question. It depends on what type of engineering and what type of accounting. Also depends on the location of the position and the requirements. If it's starting salaries here's a breakdown: Accounting (Private) $46,614 Accounting (Public) $46,290 Project Engineering $51,076 Design/Construction Engineering $49,039
Read more other entries :
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
I work full time for an accountants, I am paying my college fees, am i entitled to tax relief?
I work full time for an accountants, I am paying my college fees, am i entitled to tax relief?
I am in my final year studying for my AAT qualification, I have paid my fees for the last 3 years including the exams fees, am i entitled to any tax relief, if so how do I go about doing this?.
United Kingdom - 4 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
hang on, you work for accountants and you're asking us?????
Answer 2 :
SURELY your BOSS is the best one to ask, lol??!! If you have done 3 years in college studying accountancy, I worry what you have been doing with your time!
Answer 3 :
You should know! Check it out the HM Revenue & Customs site...
Answer 4 :
I don't think so. To be allowable for tax relief against earnings from your employment, I believe expenses have to be incurred wholly, necessarily and exclusively in connection with that employment. In your case, I'm sure the taxman would argue that the course and exam fees are being incurred not in connection with your present job, but in connection with the better job you hope to get once you have qualified. If, once you have qualified, you have to go on compulsory CPD (refresher) courses, the fees for them should be allowable because the courses will be wholly, necessarily and exclusively incurred in connection with the job which you will then have.
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I am in my final year studying for my AAT qualification, I have paid my fees for the last 3 years including the exams fees, am i entitled to any tax relief, if so how do I go about doing this?.
United Kingdom - 4 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
hang on, you work for accountants and you're asking us?????
Answer 2 :
SURELY your BOSS is the best one to ask, lol??!! If you have done 3 years in college studying accountancy, I worry what you have been doing with your time!
Answer 3 :
You should know! Check it out the HM Revenue & Customs site...
Answer 4 :
I don't think so. To be allowable for tax relief against earnings from your employment, I believe expenses have to be incurred wholly, necessarily and exclusively in connection with that employment. In your case, I'm sure the taxman would argue that the course and exam fees are being incurred not in connection with your present job, but in connection with the better job you hope to get once you have qualified. If, once you have qualified, you have to go on compulsory CPD (refresher) courses, the fees for them should be allowable because the courses will be wholly, necessarily and exclusively incurred in connection with the job which you will then have.
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Thursday, May 1, 2014
Question to an accountant?
Question to an accountant?
When my accountant asks me how much do you spend on let's say fuel,lunch,sundries or things of that nature, is it in my interest to say more or less ie: will i pay more TAX if i play thing's down a little or build them up a little? Sorry for the Naive question i know nothing of these matters it's my 1st one,Oh and before you 'Do it all by the book merchants' start I'M ONLY ASKING not going to cheat anyone Thanks,
United Kingdom - 6 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
If he's trying to help you draw up a business plan, the more accurate you can be, the more use the finished product. The plan will need to be regularly reviewed as time passes and you get more of a 'feel' for how much you really do spend. If he's drawing up accounts for you, the Revenue may ask for some sort of proof of your figures, so the amount of flexibility you have to claim expenses isn't as great as some may lead you to believe! In general, the more expenses you can legitimately claim the lower your taxable profit. Some expenses aren't allowed for tax purposes - your accountant can tell you more.
Answer 2 :
Have you considered telling the truth?
Answer 3 :
You HAVE to supply receipts. No Accountant is going to take your word for it. If you are investigated by HMRC you will have to show receipts for every item of expenditure.
Answer 4 :
Kernow Lady is right - you can only include in your accounts actual, receipted business expenditure. All allowable business expenditure reduces the tax you pay, so its in your own interests to keep proper records of these items. If you are ionvestigated, HMRC will want to see evidence and if there is none, then the relief is withdrawn and you pay the tax back.
Answer 5 :
Agree with everyone else! You could be required to prove everything (you may not be), so as long as you are open and honest and do not deliberately mislead, then you'll get everything down correctly. I knew a guitarist who managed to get his jeans through his tax bill, as they were specific to the particular tribute band he played in!
Answer 6 :
To reclaim VAT you need the vendors VAT number, whihc, of course, will be on the receipt. No Receipt, no VAT number, no reclaim. Only MP's are allowed to lie, cheat and fraudulently claim expenses they are not entitled to .. for the rest of us (i.e. the peasants), it's criminal offense ...
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When my accountant asks me how much do you spend on let's say fuel,lunch,sundries or things of that nature, is it in my interest to say more or less ie: will i pay more TAX if i play thing's down a little or build them up a little? Sorry for the Naive question i know nothing of these matters it's my 1st one,Oh and before you 'Do it all by the book merchants' start I'M ONLY ASKING not going to cheat anyone Thanks,
United Kingdom - 6 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
If he's trying to help you draw up a business plan, the more accurate you can be, the more use the finished product. The plan will need to be regularly reviewed as time passes and you get more of a 'feel' for how much you really do spend. If he's drawing up accounts for you, the Revenue may ask for some sort of proof of your figures, so the amount of flexibility you have to claim expenses isn't as great as some may lead you to believe! In general, the more expenses you can legitimately claim the lower your taxable profit. Some expenses aren't allowed for tax purposes - your accountant can tell you more.
Answer 2 :
Have you considered telling the truth?
Answer 3 :
You HAVE to supply receipts. No Accountant is going to take your word for it. If you are investigated by HMRC you will have to show receipts for every item of expenditure.
Answer 4 :
Kernow Lady is right - you can only include in your accounts actual, receipted business expenditure. All allowable business expenditure reduces the tax you pay, so its in your own interests to keep proper records of these items. If you are ionvestigated, HMRC will want to see evidence and if there is none, then the relief is withdrawn and you pay the tax back.
Answer 5 :
Agree with everyone else! You could be required to prove everything (you may not be), so as long as you are open and honest and do not deliberately mislead, then you'll get everything down correctly. I knew a guitarist who managed to get his jeans through his tax bill, as they were specific to the particular tribute band he played in!
Answer 6 :
To reclaim VAT you need the vendors VAT number, whihc, of course, will be on the receipt. No Receipt, no VAT number, no reclaim. Only MP's are allowed to lie, cheat and fraudulently claim expenses they are not entitled to .. for the rest of us (i.e. the peasants), it's criminal offense ...
Read more other entries :
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