Is it rude to not invite someone for drinks if they think you are creepy?
I'm pretty open and friendly, a month ago a new accountant started working in my department. I invited her to my place for Friday night drinks with a few friends. She thought I was creepy. Fair enough. This weekend, I had another get together with the same friends, including most of the department(there are 10 of us) and we had a great time. When she found out on Monday, she was upset because I hadn't invited her. Is it creepy to invite or rude to not invite?
Etiquette - 14 Answers
People Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
Answer 1 :
If she told you to your face you were creepy, then no it's not rude not to invite her. If you heard that she said something second or third hand via a rumor, that's really no excuse to exclude her.
Answer 2 :
Best way to resolve these problems is put ourselves in their shoes and think how you'de feel? Personally she might have thought you was weird for asking because she's new? possible thought you was making a pass at her? Yeah if she was upset fair enough tell her you didn't mean anything by it and invite her to the next one.
Answer 3 :
"Life is a Rainbow" is correct. The only way to make things right is to be honest with her about either what you heard or what you know and that it was not your intent to exclude her.
Answer 4 :
Well, it sounds like the accountant thinks both things are true, according to the summary you provide. What I hope is that it is a misunderstanding. You will look best if you also make this assumption. You could say to her, "Last time I invited you, you said I was being creepy. Did I misunderstand?" Alternately, if you heard it from someone else, you would say, "Last time I invited you, I heard from someone else that you thought this was creepy. Have I been misinformed?" (Of course, don't name names.) You should try to ask this in a neutral way, with the best balance of confidence and mild regret you can muster.
Answer 5 :
When she first said that it was creepy you should have said that you were trying to being friendly and that you are sorry she felt this way. Maybe in that month she got to know you and felt that she was part of the team and was therefore upset that you didn't invite her. I personally wouldn't have invited her after she thought I was creepy and that is what I would tell her after she stopped being upset that as she thought I was creepy, she wasn't welcome. Then forget it and move on. KD
Answer 6 :
She was rude to you so you were rude back. Fair enough.
Answer 7 :
It's rude not invite and exclude someone that works with you when you invited all/most of the the others. I would be upset if I wasn't included in a "works do" just because I wasn't part of the gang. If you could for a moment - put yourself in her shoes - new job, colleagues, etc how would you feel?
Answer 8 :
You're not obligated to invite everyone you know to every party. But since your co-workers apparently can't keep these things discrete, it's probably better to invite all of them, or none.
Answer 9 :
If she said you was creepy face to face then no it wasn't rude not to invite her. Why would she want to spend time around you if she finds you creepy?
Answer 10 :
When you first invited her to your place for "Friday night drinks with a few friends", did you make it clear that there would be other people there whom she knew from work? She may have thought that your invitation would turn out to be a party for two, or that all the other people would be bar-flies or weirdos. My advice: Next time you have a similar get-together, be sure to invite her. By this time, she will have found out that you're a decent person. Perhaps your parties should be more about food, games, TV or videos, and conversation, and only incidentally about drinking.
Answer 11 :
She was right to feel offended because you had invited everyone else but excluded her. How do you know she thinks you are creepy? If she has actually said this then she has no manners and you should not interact with her in any way
Answer 12 :
You have a free will. You can invite, or not invite, who the hell you like. It's your home. If she's offended, then tough titty. I wouldn't let it worry me one jot.
Answer 13 :
NO it was not rude of you. Infact, you should tell her in a firm, but polite way that the only reason you didn't invite her was because she thought you were creepy and you didn't want to pressure her into accepting your invitation.
Answer 14 :
If you don't like someone, don't invite them. Why ruin your day
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